I've Got A Theory

It Could Be Bunnies

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I'm not who I used to be
DLM shit
As we get older, we continually shape and mold who we are based on those we surround ourselves with and the experiences we have. We're never the same person we were a week, month, year or decade ago, and that is okay.

Today I'm a 27 year old college student who has been dating a guy for 4.25 years, started therapy for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is about to start a business.

Two and a half years ago I wanted nothing more than to have a kid and get married. This desire is still there but it's more of an "I'll get to it eventually" than a "OMG I MUST HAVE IT". I still get jealous when my friends have babies or get engaged, but at least now I get happy for them instead of removing them from my life. Also generally a shiftless layabout just kind of "waiting for my life to start"

Five years ago I was in a loveless relationship that had turned mentally, verbally and physically abusive.

Ten years ago, when I turned 17 I was depressed, I habitually cut myself, I had a small circle of friends, my extended family was together a lot but I hated the world.

Fifteen years ago I was waiting for Y2K to kill us all while holding hands with my first boyfriend. If you could call him that.

Twenty years ago I wondered why no one liked me and decided if they couldn't like me for who I am, they weren't worth my time. I wish I'd have listened to my own advice.

The rest of my life before then is a bit fuzzy, but you get the point.

I've always been Natalie Jackson. Who Natalie Jackson is has continuously changed.

This was going to be some long drawn out post about how I've become a better person and all that, but, meh. I've gotta go buy groceries.


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